In my last post I mentioned that God has been completely changing the way I view relationships from the way I used to view them. Specifically, I stated that my old view was completely wrong. There's a lot to it and I will explain in this post why I, and I think lots of single Christians have a problematic view of relationships.
I grew up about a mile from Baptist Bible College (where I would eventually study Youth Ministry and meet some great friends whom I am still very close with) and consequently, this affected my thoughts and beliefs about relationships. What I saw, growing up, was example after example of people meeting at BBC, dating, and getting married right after they graduated. When I decided that I would attend BBC during my junior year of high school, I thought I knew exactly where my life was headed; study to become a youth pastor, meet a girl, get engaged, graduate, get married, become a youth pastor, and start a family. . . the end. Sounds great, right? More like a little ridiculous that I actually believed that's what would happen. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I was dumb to think that would happen, or that those couples that did work out that way were wrong, but it was more that I expected it to happen. I can look back on every single relationship that I pursued and with absolute confidence say that my expectations were a huge part of why they failed. Partly because, rather than getting to know a girl as I friend, I had the tendency to tell myself that I was "interested" in her before I even really had gotten a chance to actually get to know her (when I say "her" in this instance I mean for it to be a general "her", not specific, because as I said before this was the same with every girl that I pursued). I knew (and know) that relationships take time to develop and don't necessarily just happen over night, but years of seeing what I perceived as "instant" relationships led me to think that eventually if I was persistent enough, or funny enough I would find a girl who just wanted to jump into dating me without really knowing me. I can honestly look back at that and realize how silly that line of thinking was, and truthfully, I can laugh now, but the reality is that it's actually kind of sad. The sadness only begins there, however, as I would eventually go on to place the idea of a relationship on a pedestal so high, that not only would no girl ever be able to meet these expectations I had (though didn't quite realize), but worse, it would supplant my desire for my relationship with Christ.
God's love for us in incredible. Not only does he save us through the death, burial, and resurrection of his son, Jesus Christ, but after that he chooses to continually bless us with friendships, family, and many other things that he entrusts us with and gives to us for enjoyment. James 1:17 says it this way, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow of change." Unfortunately, we forget this often and sometimes we begin to feel as though we deserve these things. We develop within ourselves a sense of entitlement, even for things that are good. But when this happens, there is a tremendous danger of placing our desire for those things above our desire for the only relationship that we as believers truly need in this life, just as I did. You see, for me, a dating relationship that would lead to marriage had become the ultimate achievement in this life. I took something that God absolutely intends for good, and I gave it the utmost importance that only God is worthy of and deserves. It's still a struggle at times, but I think realizing a mistake is the first step in the right direction. Understanding that my identity is in Christ, not in marriage, not in my job, not in trying to be funny; it's in Christ.
Beautiful Eulogy has a song that, I think, perfectly sums up the whole idea of believers believing the lie that we deserve the things that God graciously gives to us.
Entitlement by Beautiful Eulogy
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