Recently

So, it's officially the fall season.  Football, leaves, the sun setting before 8:00, even down here in North Carolina it's beginning to cool down.  It's been quite a while (over two years) since my last post here; needless to say, a lot has happened in two years.  Rather than trying to catch up, I'm going to dwell on what's been happening recently.

To say that God has taken ahold of my heart in ways that I never let him before would be an understatement.  Around two months ago I had a conversation with a friend.  Attalus had just gotten back from a late show in Charlotte, and we ended up talking until almost 5 o'clock in the morning.  I won't go into specifics of that talk, but God used that conversation to awaken something in me.  Sharing struggles with a fellow believer is a great way to grow and challenge yourself and others.  After my friend and I talked, I realized so much of the sin that I had been struggling with over the last months and even years that I had considered "not that big of a deal", was in fact a HUGE deal to God.  I had also listened to one of Dwight Peterson's messages about the progression of temptation.  He used an "I Am Second" video to illustrate his point along with James 1:14-15.  The point of the video and of the message was that we have no idea where the consequences of our sin will lead us.  For those of us who have been Christ-followers for a long time, we've seen many brothers and sisters "fall away" into sin, and we often find ourselves wondering,"Where did that come from? How did that happen? They were so faithful and such a great example."  As we read in James, however, we see that we don't just make huge mistakes like infidelity, stealing, etc., overnight, but rather it is starting from point A and a continuation onto point B, and so on.  We further know, unfortunately, how easy it can be to put on a show and deceive others so as to look like we're doing great, spiritually, when in reality, we are a train wreck.  For almost the entire 2 years I lived in Charlotte, I was living a double life.  On one side, I was happy, helping out with music and youth ministry at a church plant.  On the flip side, I was drowning in a sea of loneliness where I struggled to read God's Word or even pray.  I remember thinking, really, knowing that I should have been spending time every day in Scripture and prayer, but instead believing the lie that I didn't really need those things.  I was surrounded by people at church who loved me and cared about me and would have been more than willing to take some time and listen to my struggles, but I just continued to believe lies rather than reaching out.  This is one area where I believe Satan can attack believers so easily.  If he can get us to accept the lie that we are alone or have screwed up so much that we are unforgivable, I think he will do everything he can to push that on us.

I truly believe that God saved me from my struggles by literally ripping me away from them.  Sure, He used Attalus as a catalyst to move me to Cary, but looking back, I think it was more to pull me away from my sin and draw me closer to Himself.  Sure I still struggled, and still do, but God has challenged me and grown me in ways that I probably would have doubted 2 years ago.  I'm amazed at what God has been doing in my life the last 2 months.  From changing the way I view relationships (yes, THOSE kind of relationships, and man, did I have it so wrong), to giving me a hunger for His Word and completely revolutionizing the way I pray.  That is not to say that I now have it all figured out.  I know this is just the beginning of what He's going to do in my life and how He will use me, but it makes me that much more excited to see what that will be.

Right around the time of that conversation with my friend I had been spending a lot of time meditating on  Romans 5:6-11 and the weight of that passage just crushed me.  Sometimes it's hard to understand why the all-powerful, all-knowing and all-present God would choose to save someone like me, but sections of Scripture like this remind me that it's because He loves me and wants to use me to honor and glorify Him, not because I can offer Him anything in return.  I'll leave you with Romans 5:6-11.  It has become my favorite passage in the whole Bible, because it is the GOSPEL and I have no kind of "closing statement" that could compare with what God has done for us:

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.
(Romans 5:6-11 ESV)